Category Archives: Fun Zone

Funny Quotes, Puns, Pictures | Laugh Yoga, Exercises, Videos and Clubs from the American School Of Laughter Yoga

How to Stay Stressed: 25 Good Suggestions for Bad Health

  1. Always begin by setting impossibly high standards for yourself
  2. Avoid all meditation and relaxation
  3. Compare yourself only with the greatest masters of all times
  4. Condemn all your mistakes and imperfections without mercy
  5. Don’t ask for help
  6. Don’t exercise; eat anything at all, anytime you want
  7. Don’t fasten your seatbelt
  8. Don’t play. Never laugh.
  9. Eliminate your sense of humor
  10. Exploit the friendship of others for your short-term advantage
  11. Fixate on the outcome, and ignore the process
  12. Identify the success of every endeavor as an assessment of your value as a human being
  13. If you have a physical problem, seek a quick, easy solution outside yourself
  14. Ignore your support networks
  15. Never listen to music for pleasure
  16. Rate everything as critically and equally important
  17. Smoke, drink, use stimulants, take drugs
  18. Stay disorganized
  19. Stay in the victim position
  20. Take all criticism as total truth and take it personally
  21. Take no responsibility for your behavior
  22. Take on too much, never say no
  23. View your work not as a commitment but as a burden to resent
  24. When in doubt, blame someone else
  25. Worry constantly about factors beyond your control

Credit: David Gordon

Tater People are funny

Some people never seem motivated to participate, but are just content to watch while others do the work. They are called “Spec Taters”.

Tater people

Some people never do anything to help, but are gifted at finding fault with the way others do the work. They are called “Comment Taters”.

Tater people Tater people

Some people are very bossy and like to tell others what to do, but don’t want to soil their own hands. They are called “Dick Taters”.

Tater people Tater people Tater people

Some people are always looking to cause problems by asking others to agree with them. It is too hot or too cold, too sour or too sweet. They  are called “Agie Taters”.

Tater people Tater people Tater people Tater people

There are those who say they will help, but somehow just never get around to actually doing the promised help. They are called “Hezzie Taters”.

Tater people Tater people Tater people Tater people Tater people

Some people can put up a front and pretend to be someone they are not. They are called “Emma Taters”.

Tater people Tater people Tater people Tater people Tater people Tater people

Then  there are those who love others and do what they say they will. They are always prepared to stop whatever they are doing and lend a helping hand. They bring real sunshine into the lives of others.  They are called “Sweet  Taters”.

Sweet tater

If you know any “Sweet Taters” send this to them!

The Clown Chakra

The Clown scientists have found that all our problems can be placed under one heading: Seriousness. Seriousness is the leading cause of everything from Cancer to Reincarnation.
Scientists from the Clown Academy have already discovered a new source of healing. It is a psychic energy point located between the heart chakra and the throat chakra. It is called the clown chakra.

If people are feeling miserable; if they have financial problems; if their relationship situation is the pits; if they are in ill health; if they have a need to sue people; if they find fault with their brother; then obviously their clown chakra is closed. When this happens, the scientists have observed under a high-powered microscope that the cells of every organ display a sad face; and when the clown chakra is open and functioning normally, the cells display a happy face.

The scientists realized that if a person is ill, it is because his Mind has projected guilt onto the cells of his body and has forced out the love that is normally found within each cell of the body. The cells are therefore saying, “I Lack Love”, or ILL for short. The scientists also discovered that all disease is due to the fact that the cells are “out of ease” or “dis-eased”.

When the clown chakra is opened and working (or rather, playing) properly, the psychic mechanism sucks up misery, pain, anger, resentment, grievances, unhappiness and so on, and converts the energy into tiny red heart-shaped balloons.

The red heart balloons contain God’s Love and Joy. These balloons are directed to the “dis-eased” cell or situation, and a happy face appears instantly. When the light enters the darkness, the darkness is gone.

Sometimes these red heart balloons are called endorphins, due to the fact that when anyone experiences them the feeling of separation ends -they experience being back home with the Father and hence are no longer an orphan. This is the well known “end orphan” (endorphin) effect.

So if you think someone is attacking you, Clown Scientists recommend that you visualize sending that person red heart shaped balloons filled with God’s Love and Joy.

Remember to keep your clown chakra open and remember to laugh – seriousness causes reincarnation.

20 funny Woody Allen quotes

  1. As the poet said, ‘Only God can make a tree’ — probably because it’s so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
  2. Eighty percent of success is showing up.
  3. Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
  4. His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.
  5. How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size?
  6. I am at two with nature.
  7. I can’t listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland.
  8. I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work… I want to achieve it through not dying.
  9. I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.
  10. I took a speed reading course and read ‘War and Peace’ in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.
  11. I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
  12. If it turns out that there is a God, I don’t think that he’s evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he’s an underachiever.
  13. If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank.
  14. I’m astounded by people who want to ‘know’ the universe when it’s hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
  15. Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought– particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.
  16. It is impossible to experience one’s death objectively and still carry a tune.
  17. Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering – and it’s all over much too soon.
  18. My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.
  19. My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
  20. The government is unresponsive to the needs of the little man. Under 5’7″, it is impossible to get your congressman on the phone.

Spiritual humor

GEORGE CARLIN, ON REVERSING LIFE’S SEQUENCE
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I want to live my next life backwards:
You start out dead and get that out of the way.
Then you wake up in a nursing home feeling better every day.
Then you get kicked out for being too healthy.
You enjoy your retirement and collect your pension.
Then, when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.
You work 40 years until you’re too young to work.
You get ready for High School: drink alcohol, party, and you’re generally promiscuous.
Then you go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, and you have no responsibilities.
Then you become a baby, and then…
You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, in spa-like conditions: central heating, room service on tap, and then…
You finish off as an orgasm. I rest my case.
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* * * * * * *
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GENEALOGY
A little girl asked her mother, “How did the human race appear?” The mother answered, “God made Adam and Eve and they had children and so was all mankind made.” Two days later the girl asked her father the same question. The father answered, “Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.” The confused girl returned to her mother and said, “Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?” The mother answered, “Well, dear, it is very simple: I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his.”
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* * * * *
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GRAFFITI
Seen on a restroom wall: “God is dead.”–Nietzsche.
Below that was written: “Nietzsche is dead.”–God.
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* * * * *
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NOT GETTING THE JOKE
Voltaire: “God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.”
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* * * * *
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CHICKEN CROSSING
Why did the Chicken cross the road? (Anonymous, from various sources, with some additions by Timothy, noted with an asterisk; a double asterisk is my elaboration of an original item in the anonymous version.)
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Taoist sage Lao Tzu:
The road that can be crossed is not the true Road. (Tao Te Ching, ch. 1)
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Also from Lao Tzu:
Those who cluck do not know. Those who know do not cluck.
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Buddha:
If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken nature.
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Star Trek’s Captain Kirk:
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
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Plato:
To know her true self, for the greater good of all.
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Zeno of Elea:
To prove she could never reach the other side, given that, before she can get there, she must get halfway there; and before she can get halfway there, she must get a quarter of the way there; and before traveling a quarter, she must travel one-eighth; and …
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John Lennon:
Imagine all the world’s chickens, crossing every road in peace…
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Colonel Sanders (of KFC—Kentucky Fried Chicken):
I missed one?
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Hugh Hefner (the “Colonel Sanders of Hot Chicks”):
To fully expose her delightful body. Maybe she would like to come live with me… and dress up as a bunny.
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Dr. Seuss:
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did she cross it with a toad?
Yes, the chicken crossed the road,
But why it crossed, I’ve not been told!
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Ernest Hemingway:
To die. In the rain. Alone.
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Martin Luther King Jr.:
I have a dream that one day all of God’s chickens, chickens of every color and faith, from every village and every hamlet, will be free–thank God Almighty, free at last!–to cross any road without their motives called into question.
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Louis Farrakhan:
The road, you will see, represents the black man. The white chicken crossed the “black man” in order to trample him and keep him down.
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Grandpa:
Well now, listen here, my young friend. In my day, we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and, by golly, that was good enough for us. Those were simpler times, and we were simpler folks.
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Barbara Walters:
Isn’t that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its life-long dream of crossing the road. We’ll have all the details you want to hear, right after this break.
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Oprah Winfrey:
Well, I understand that this chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so badly. So, I’m going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not have to live his life like the rest of the chickens.
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Dr. Phil:
The problem we have here is that our chicken friend won’t realize he must first deal with the big problem on THIS side of the road before he goes after the problem on the OTHER SIDE of the road. He needs HELP realizing just how STUPID he is for not taking on his CURRENT problems before adding NEW problems!
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George Bush:
We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is with us or against us. No middle ground here. In fact, Vice President Cheney tells me there’s evidence this chicken is a terrorist in collusionation with the enemies of our freedom. Dick, do you have your gun handy? Wait a minute now, Dick! Make sure that thing’s pointed in the right direction, okay?
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Colin Powell:
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road…
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Ralph Nader:
The chicken’s habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on other side of the road because it was crushed by the monstrous wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.
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Pat Buchanan:
To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.
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Jerry Falwell:
Because the chicken was gay! Isn’t it obvious? Can’t you people see the plain truth? The chicken was going to the other side. That’s what they call it: “the other side.” Yes, my friends, that chicken is GAY. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay, too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like “the other side.”
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Ronald Reagan:
As with the Iran-Contra matter and Nicaragua, I don’t remember. But I’m sure it was in our great country’s best interests.
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Bill Clinton:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken.
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Sigmund Freud:
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road clearly reveals your underlying sexual insecurity. What were your feelings about your mother?
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Carl Jung:
How synchronous, Herr Freud, that this chicken should cross this road at exactly this moment on the way to its full individuation!
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H.P. Lovecraft:
To escape the crawling horror lurking on this side of the road, a nameless and foetid monstrosity that cannot be conceived save in the dreams of madness.
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Howard Cosell (sportscaster):
It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of sports history. An historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurrence.
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Bill Gates:
To lead the other chickens across the Info Superhighway and into a world where there’s a computer in every home.
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William Blake:
Little chicken, who set thee free
To wander here on Highway Three?
“Oh, sir, your question’s very odd;
He is called the Lamb of God.”
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Weekly World News:
Nostradamus predicted chicken/Bigfoot horror!
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Thomas Jefferson:
All hens are endowed by Nature and Nature’s God with the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of the other side.
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Karl Marx:
Driven by the lash of economic necessity, it was historically inevitable.
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Voltaire:
I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the death its right to do it!
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Che Guevara:
I am in solidarity with all chickens! Viva el pollo!
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X-Files’ Fox Mulder:
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?
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X-Files’ Scully:
Mulder, calm down, it was a simple bio-mechanical reflex commonly found in chickens.
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Sir Isaac Newton:
Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest. Chickens in motion tend to cross the road.
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Albert Einstein:
It depends on the chicken’s frame of reference as to whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken. Moreover, given our curved universe, if the chicken keeps moving in the same direction, it winds up coming once again to the same road!
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Physicist Werner Heisenberg:
Because the chicken is moving sufficiently fast, you can either observe the chicken or you can measure the chicken, but you cannot do both.
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Timothy Leary (smiling):
Because it was the only far-out trip the Establishment would let this groovy little chicken take.
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Jean Paul Sartre (not smiling):
To impose a meaning upon her accidental existence… Do you think you could sit with that chicken in a small room for eternity?
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Albert Camus:
The chicken crossed the road. My mother died today. Nothing matters. The world is absurd. Chicken’s actions have no meaning, except, possibly, to her.
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Jacques Derrida:
These are just language games in the logocentric strategy of discourse. What is a “chicken”? What is the “road”? In the reappropriation of the original text of this phenomenon, and being utterly open to its subtext of emptiness and the many, as part of our ongoing postmodernist deconstructionist project, we are interested here only in the actual feathers, tissue, beak, claws, and asphault.
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Jacques Derrida (asked the same Q on another occasion):
Any number of contending discourses may be discovered within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and each interpretation is equally valid as the authorial intent can never be discerned, because structuralism is DEAD, DAMMIT, DEAD!
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Vito Corleone:
We made her an offer she couldn’t refuse.
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Rogue cops in the L.A.P.D. (Los Angeles Police Dept.):
Give us ten minutes with the chicken and we’ll find out.
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Nancy Grace:
That chicken crossed the road because he’s GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
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O.J. Simpson:
It didn’t cross the road. I was playing golf with it at the time.
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Mark Twain:
The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.
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Steven Wright:
Yesterday I told a chicken to cross the road. It said, “What for?”
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You will find much more spiritual humor at http://www.enlightened-spirituality.org/Spiritual_Humor.html

Funny thing, speaking English…

We’ll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes;
but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice;
yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men,
why shouldn’t the plural of pan be called pen?
If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet,
and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
why shouldn’t the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three would be those,
yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
but though we say mother, we never say methren.

Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him, but imagine the
feminine, she, shis and shim.

Some reasons to be grateful if you grew up speaking English:

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8) At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
22) I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt.

Screwy pronounciations can mess up your mind! For example…

If you have a rough cough, climbing can be tough when going through the bough on a tree!

Doesn’t it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?

If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught?

Why do people recite at a play and play at a recital?

Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wiseguy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

If Dad is Pop, how’s come Mom isn’t Mop?

Groan Out Loud… (these are guaranteed to make you groan)

  • A backward poet writes inverse.
  • A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two-tired.
  • A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
  • A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
  • A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
  • A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
  • A lot of money is tainted. It ain’t yours and it ain’t mine.
  • A man’s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
  • A plateau is a high form of flattery.
  • Acupuncture is a jab well done.
  • Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
  • Dijon vu: the same mustard as before.
  • Does the name Quasimodo ring a bell?
  • Every calendar’s days are numbered.
  • He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
  • He often broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.
  • If you don’t pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
  • In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.
  • Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
  • Once you’ve seen one shopping centre, you’ve seen a mall.
  • Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red.
  • Sea captains don’t like crew cuts.
  • Shotgun wedding: a case of wife or death.
  • Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I’ll show you a flat minor.
  • The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
  • The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
  • Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
  • Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
  • What’s the definition of a will? (Come on, It’s a dead giveaway!)
  • When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
  • When an actress saw her first strands of grey hair, she thought she’d dye.
  • When two egotists meet, it’s an I for an I.
  • With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
  • You feel stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.