1. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
  2. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
  3. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer “pretty good stuff.”
  4. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
  5. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
  6. “I just can’t drink the way I used to,” replaces, “I’m never going to drink that much again.”
  7. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as “dressed up.”
  8. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
  9. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
  10. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
  11. You don’t know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
  12. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonalds leftovers.
  13. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
  14. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
  15. You hear your favorite song on an elevator.
  16. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
  17. You no longer take naps from noon to 6 PM.
  18. You’re the one calling the police because those damn kids next door won’t turn down the stereo.
  19. Your car insurance goes down and your payments go up.
  20. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and break up.
  21. Your house plants are alive, and you can’t smoke any of them.